how many times will i feel this way before it finally goes away? how much longer am i going to feel like i’m not good enough? i just want to feel like i mean something to someone. feel like i’m a worthwhile person and that i have some kind of purpose in this life. i feel like everything i do is a mistake and that i will never get on a path for a successful future. my life in a the last few weeks have been a rollercoaster that has been filled with great highs and devistating lows.
i think i have finally realized that the guy that i would do anything for and who i am in love with will never want me. i don’t know why i’m not good enough but i guess i’m not supposed to know. and i guess in some way it’s not meant to be, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. i’m also afraid to move on cuz i dont’ feel like anyone can compare to him. plus i don’t want to put anyone through pain becuz of how i feel for him and i know that if he were to come around that i would choose him. i just wish he felt for me the way i feel for him.
i moved back in with my parents and though i know it’s the right thing to do but i really can’t help feeling like now that i moved back in here i’m not goin’ to hear from my “friends” anymore. and i know that i have to miss out on a lot of things cuz of work but idk….i just feel like they don’t want me around. maybe i’m just thinkin’ too far into everything i don’t know but it’s really getting me down.
and then my own dog doesn’t even want me. he wouldn’t even come and say goodbye to me before i went to work. and i know it’s an animal and i probably shouldn’t be as hurt as i was but i was devastated. he’s my best friend and i just felt rejected by him just like i feel rejected by everyone else.
maybe i’ll just go to bed and try to get over these feelings. maybe one day i will be good enough for someone. g’night……